We've all witnessed the nightmare of "Welcome to Saint Fillintheblank's church. I'm blahblah, and I'll be your cantor today. Our servers are blah and blah. Our Lector is blahblah. Today is the 27th Sunday of Lent, and in our readings today, Jesus tells us to blahblahblahblah (for 2 minutes) blah. Our gathering hymn can be found in our 'Breaking Wind' Music Issue, number 12. Please rise to greet our celebrant."