It's me, your favorite (just kidding). I've got a problem and I'm hoping you can fix it for me.
For the past year or so, I've been bringing your book, Jesus of Nazareth, into the confessional on Saturday mornings. It's phenomenal. It's great. Thank you for writing it. But my problem is this: it's got so much "packed in" it, that it's taking me longer than I ever expected to read it. More than a year later, and I just began chapter eight today! Now I know I'm not the brightest bulb in the lamp, and thankfully there have been weeks when the number of penitents coming for Confession have made it impossible for me to read more than a page or two, but still there's so much there to devour. Now you've got me wanting to read the books you mention in your book, like Neusner's A Rabbi Talks With Jesus from Ch. 4!
Now, to add to my reading, you've written this brand new encyclical on the virtue of hope (which means I'll probably want to skim through your last encyclical on the virtue of love just to "bring myself up to speed"). Plus, I keep hearing that there's more volumes of Jesus of Nazareth coming down the pike. Finally, I've still got loads of Ignatius Press stuff of yours that I either read years ago and forgot, or haven't read yet.
Holy Father, please, can you slow down a bit? You name it: I'll buy you a Playstation 3, Nintendo Wii, boxed sets of past seasons of CSI, whatever. You like Sudoku? I bet you'd be great at it. I'll get you enough Sudoku puzzles to fill your free time, just give me a chance to catch up!
This is what I wanted to tell you when I met you last October. However, as you probably recall, I was a nervous mess who couldn't put words together in a sentence. So if you lay off the writing for a while, I promise to send you a big, hefty gift card for you to spend on yourself.
Fr. Jay Toborowsky